It's definitely not a Nashville party...

That's right, bitches. Another month has gone by, and Jason had to turn the big 3-5. We all partied like it was 1999 2011, all right. Some friends had a large dinner party at Trader Vic's (just a coincidence) so Jason and Jim went and had a good time. It really says something that Jason didn't make a bigger fuss about his birthday this year. Instead, he got his IRA going again and opened a high-interest savings account.

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Well, this week we're all going to New York, where we'll party it up with some old friends and be whores tourists, checking out a few bars museums and such. Our good friend Abby won't be there, unfortunately, so we won't have as much of a fun East Village experience this time. But it will still be all fun all the time, with no auditions for Jason and no rushed schedules or morning commutes for either of the Runnicles. Jason and Jim's supermodel pal Irena will take 'em around on a more fashionable tour of the city, that's for sure!

I'll be there, too. But I've got my own agenda. Holly G., bust out yer Rolodex. We are gonna party like it's 1969.

You can never surrender

Well February's over. Another month down, another one bites the dust. As some of you know, Jason went off to NYC again last week for a big audition. He was flown in by the producers and got to hang with some of his friends again for a day and a half before flying right back home. Sadly, he didn't make it to the finals (which we all presumed was the show itself) but we're all kind of relieved--Jim and I couldn't imagine being without Jason for up to two whole months! The same day he got the news that he didn't get on the show, Jason busted out a can o' whupass and started to own things at Ye Olde Dayjobbe instead. And now things are looking up.

I think by next year he'll be ready to teach a certain cable network a few things...

Other than that, things have been pretty quiet around here, especially for Jim. I guess it's been a good month to get some reading done. The boys have also been trying to cut down on the carbs and up the cardio lately in attempts to get ready for beach season. It's been comical, especially since the Girls Scouts have come back recently to ply their tasty treats on us all.

They've turned to comic geniuses Tim and Eric for inspiration:

A Design For Life...

Well I'm a little late, but Happy New Year, b*tches! As 2010 came to an end, things for Jason, Jim an' me ramped up considerably. Jason not only auditioned for a TV show, but he also got cast in a funny commercial for HP (I made a few calls to my pals the Weinsteins) and Jim had some of his work published in an anthology (which immediately sold out of its first printing) and did a reading up in Petaluma.

How's that for a way to end the year?

I did some work, too. Mostly helping this fat white man dress up in a red costume and fly around on a magic sled, delivering toys and presents to people around the world. That's right, I bring joy to the world.

If Christmas was crazy-busy with friends and family and celebrating (visits to Modesto, visits to friends in nursing homes, the annual Christmas Eve dinner with the Jews), New Year's Eve was a quiet affair. The three of us stayed home and drank wine and played Scrabble. (Sometimes I wish Dick Clark would take a cue from me and just retire...)

Even though the year was technically winding down, for the three of us things were really taking off: Jason was getting busier at Ye Olde Dayjobbe (no rest during the holidays over there), and Jim stayed home for a week to get his own work done. I guess we needed a quiet New Year's Eve to prepare for a busy 2011. This month has Jason running around trying to finish a rush project at work, and Jim's been dealing with some changes at his office too. I started my North Beach writers' group again, so now I have to wake up early and zip across the city twice a week on my Vespa. (Wait, did I just say Dick Clark should retire like me? Whoops, I spoke too soon. Again.)

It never ends, I tell ya. It never ends...

Alright, 2011. We're ready for ya.

I'm in a New York state of mind...

Wow, I just realized I missed the whole month of November! Oh how time flies around the holidays...

I guess the big news of November was Jim and Jason going on a somewhat impromptu trip to the Big Apple. Jason went to help two of his Drinking Ladies alumni deal with their New York single gal apartments (or "maxi-pads" as they refer to 'em.) Four days of trolling every thrift store in lower Manhattan, hitting the Brooklyn Flea Market, and drinking in just about every gay bar in Chelsea, the West Village, and the East Village.

I'm proud of my boys.

Luckily they had a good tour guide in the form of a certain Ms. Abby Featherstone. I set things up for her a while ago when she found her current apartment just down the street from my "Bad Pussies" mural at 3rd & Avenue B (see above.) Now her entire world of work/living/eating/drinking all takes place in a 10 minute radius of the East Village, thanks to my handiwork. During this trip she help me plant the New York bug into Jim and Jason...

(Of course I'm just talking figuratively...J&J were vigilant against the bedbugs and made sure they never came in contact with the vermin.)

Thanksgiving turned into a blessing and a curse. More Drinking Ladies and their families came to our home for lots of good food and wine and the night of the event was full of laughter and charades and good times. But sometime during the day, Jason must've eaten something bad 'cause by Friday he ended up with the worst case of food poisoning/stomach flu ever. He basically lost the entire weekend, and Jim and I did all we could to help him recover from his fever and nausea.

This month we're just hanging on to each other, trying to get through the rest of the year. I'll keep y'all posted on what happens!

When you were young and your heart was like an open book, you used to say, "Live and let live..."

Whoa--Jason just reminded me that October is nearly over and that I haven't updated y'all on the Runnicles yet this month.

Well, what to say? We've been busy. This whole month has been full of all sorts of social events every weekend: The Castro Street Fair, Aimee Mann at Yoshi's, our friend Sylvia's annual Hula show at the Palace of Fine Arts, The Trashcan Sinatras, Jason's little cousin's birthday party at Bruno's, and a spooky Halloween party at the historic Haas-Lilienthal Mansion.

For those of you who know Jason and Jim, this is uncommon. They are not social butterflies. But when the occasion rises, they can party just as hard as Pierre and Maggie Trudeau at Studio 54. (Boy, those were the days. Halston and I would hang out in a corner booth while the waiters would pour us champagne funneled through their abs. Good times.)

In addition to all this, Jason's been busy as hell with his Retrograde work, going up to Sacramento to finish up a family home as well as wrapping up another single gal's maxi-pad. Last night was the first weekend night he and Jim and I had together at home all month, so we got some fried chicken to-go from Home and watched the Project Runway finale. Ah, simple pleasures...

Jason's been working really hard with his side business. He's tired enough after the day job, but I tell him that he's got to stick with it if he wants to succeed. I mean, I was hanging out with David Hicks and Yves Saint Laurent back in the day in Marrakech, burning the candle at both ends with my writings on design. I wanted to be successful and get my book published, so I didn't take a break until Keith Richards showed up one day and slipped me some powerful recreational substances. Before I knew it, I had slept through the rest of the '70s and woke up in a club somewhere in the '80s doing coke off of Grace Jone's gleaming black a**. Needless to say, my book was lost.

So I guess the big lesson is to work hard in your creative endeavors, and stay the f*** away from Keith Richards if he offers you anything.

Jim, on the other hand, is also ending the month with some good news. He's going to be published in the Santa Fe Review soon! As for my advice to him...I'd just say don't spend too much time in Interzone.

And the people all said, "Sit down! Sit down, you're rocking the boat!"

Well, I know I always say it, but it's been a crazy month despite the fact that we all seem to be in a holding pattern. Jason keeps saying it's because Mercury's in retrograde, but then again I think he believes in that hocus-pocus mumbo-jumbo way too much. I think I caught him casting some chicken bones and some runes after he read his tea leaves and disemboweled a bird this morning. He said he was taking out the composting, but I don't believe him.

Anyhow, Jim's still trying to juggle things around at work while keeping his sanity. Jason has given up all pretense that his work has any redeeming social value. There have been many nights spent on the sofa, bourbon in hand and tear in eye. I've also been babysitting as much as I can to help out around the house. It's tough times right now, I tell ya. Even for a cat.

At a recent wedding, Jason ran into an old friend who now lives in Chicago. She and her hubby encouraged the Runnicles to come visit. Shortly afterwards, Jason heard from another old friend and colleague who moved to the windy city a while ago. And then we got a few more signs pointing us to the mid-west...all the in past few days. Kinda weird, if you ask me. Maybe Jason's on to something with his voodoo nonsense...

A new adventure? I can see it now:

CAMERA PANS OVER CHICAGO SKYLINE

CHINO'S VOICEOVER: I've been to a lot of places around this world. But now I've got a family. It's time for a new adventure in the windy city. Watch out, bitches!

ZOOM IN TO A 'WELCOME TO CHICAGO' SIGN. ANIMATED CAT TAIL KNOCKS AWAY ALL LETTERS EXCEPT "C", "H", "I", AND "O". ANIMATED ORANGE TABBY JUMPS INTO SIGN TO FORM THE LETTER "N".

We'll see if any networks go for it.

Soy un perdedor...I'm a loser, baby

Yeah, I need my reading glasses these days...I'm not getting any younger, right?

So what's been going on? "Same sh**, different day," as Jason likes to say. He's been working hard with both his dayjob and his side business. Jim's been stressed out at work again--let's just say the writing's on the wall over at his office.

The weekends have been nice here in the city, more or less, but we all still miss the crazy heat wave of last year. I personally miss having our friend Jen D. around in the neighborhood 'cause she was such a good cat sitter...but we're trying to convince some other friends to move close by.

Jason's mother had a medical scare recently, and for some reason Jim's family keeps sending him news and clippings of his childhood acquaintances who have died. Strange days.

But I guess nothing's too strange when you're living in a house full of Runnicles.