Keep me in your heart for a while...

Peace out, bitches.

But don't worry, I'll be back. Just like Toni Morrison's Beloved. Or the Terminator.

I believe in you...

Happy new year, bitches kids. I made it through to 2013. But I don't know how much longer I'm going to stick around until I scoot off to my next big adventure. Things have really been slowing down for me here in the Castro. The 'nip doesn't do much for me anymore, and neither does the allure of the front and back yards, with their squirrels and birds and grass and stuff...

Jim and Jason had a hard weekend figuring it all out, but we talked it through as a family. By chance, they ran into a friend who gave them some sage advice. This shopkeeper appeared like Merlin or a gypsy fortuneteller or some shaman in a weekend matinee rom-com. Go figure. But what he said really resonated with the boys, and it opened their eyes to what I've already known for a while--it'll be time to go soon.

Then he sold 'em a vintage dining table. Photos to follow.

 

I'm spending a lot of time in bed these days...

 

But the boys wander around the weekends, taking walks to find magical places.

 

And then they come home to keep me warm and tell me all about their adventures.

 

It's a Miracle...

That's right, folks--it's a Chrimbus miracle. I'm still here, dammit. I'm glad I could make it for another holiday season with Jim and Jason. It's been a crazy year, from my cancer to all the crazy shenanigans here at home and at work.

We started the celebrations by giving me a bath on Christmas Eve Eve. It felt good knowing I'd be fresh and clean for all the celebrations.

 

My stocking was chock full of surprises--Frango mints, toys, and a book...I got lots of things for Jim and Jason, too. It was my way of telling them how much I love 'em. Thought I must admit this year was a lot harder wrapping presents. I had gift wrap departments help me whenever possible...

 

Of course, this is probably my favorite part of the holiday season:

I hope everyone has a good holiday. It's been real, folks. Now let's get ready to get crunk and crazy on New Year's Eve...!

I'm still standing (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Alright, bitches, don't get all weepy and sentimental on me yet. I had to make Jason take this portrait of me down from the mantle 'cuz I'm not dead yet. Yeah, I'm slowing down and dragging my back legs a little. We're going to the vet tomorrow to see if it's diabetes or something else related to the cancer.

The boys have been really good about taking care of me--lifting me in and out of bed, taking me to the litter box, setting up extra boxes around the house, cleaning up after me, keeping me clean, wrapping me up in blankets, shooting meds down my throat, giving me IV fluids, brushing my teeth, blah blah blah.

I couldn't ask for a better set up.

Okay, I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving and some turkey. And stay tuned--we'll see if I can pull off a Christmas miracle.

It's late in the day...

 

Well, kids, September's over. What the f*ck happened?

To recap, Jason and Jim went off to Santa Cruz for a friend's wedding and had a lot of fun staying at the new Hotel Paradox. Jason in particular had a lot of fun, mixing booze with Benadryl (since something there kept making him sneeze) and caffeine. Junkie whore. Jim just got sloshed, like he usually does. But they all had a good time. I chillaxed with my pimp friend Ronnie.

A few weeks before that I had a good follow up with my vet. This bald patch caused by my cancer had grown back, and my weight was steady. I said triumphantly, "Cancer, you're MY bitch today!" And if the boys were counting down the days till they inherit my fortune...well sorry, chumps. Ya gotta wait a little bit longer now!

Other than that, it's been about the same--painkillers, IV fluids, soap operas, magazines. But I have been tracking this mouse that's invaded the house. Your days are numbered, bitch...

Ain't nobody got time for that!

Well, despite the medicines and IV fluids and extra steps Jason and Jim are taking to keep me comfortable, things are definitely slowing down for me. But recently we discovered something that made us all laugh, which is important at times like these.

First, check out Sweet Brown's regular interview:


And then check out this genius AutoTune remix:


We've been listening to it around the house for days now and it still cracks us up every time. The catchy tune is just genius. Pure genius! I gotta hand it to these folks--creativity mixed with lots of free time equals a hit.

Enjoy, folks.

Live like we're dying...

Okay, bitches, for those of you who don't know already...I have cancer. Regardless of how bad it is, I've talked it over with the boys and it's okay. I'm not going to have surgery. At my age, I don't know if I'd fully recover and I don't want to take that chance. Same with chemo--I'm already losing my hair in patches, so I don't need or want any more of that.

The boys are taking this really hard, but I'm still okay. We're gonna keep on truckin' till the end. The way I see it, I've had a really good life. A long one, too--check out my Bucket List and all the things I've crossed off so far:

1. Begin modern civilization
2. Create the first written language
3. Rule a kingdom
4. Get overthrown by revolutionaries and live to tell the tale
5. Stop Hitler and the Axis Powers
6. Become a war correspondent
7. Develop a vaccine for polio
8. Win a Grammy
9. Invent the Internet
10. Find a loving home
11. Go skydiving
12. Write the great American novel
13. Host a talk show
14. Develop a cure for cancer
15. Run a marathon
16. F*ck some shit up
17. Become President of the USA
18. Get Jim to use sunscreen more often
19. Spread the love
20. Get shit done

Not bad, if I do say so myself.

I'll keep posting as long as I can keep typing--and maybe even after that. As long as Jason doesn't try to bust out the ouija board--I told him that shit is powerful stuff and that he shouldn't mess with it.

Okay, kids. More soon...