Who let the dogs out?

Well, November was just a sh*t show--sorry for the language. Things started out badly when Jason found out his identity had been stolen. Some douchebag hacked into the Innernets to get his info and tried to go hog wild at Best Buy, KMart, and any other place that would grant instant credit based on a fake ID and a poor schmuck's Social Security number.

This country is f*cked up to allow that kind of sh*t to take place. All three of us were ready to take the law into our own hands, like Joe Don Baker in Walking Tall, hunting down the motherf**ker and his lowlife ring of ID thieves with baseball bats and power tools.

Jason had this fantasy of having to prove his identity with his thief in the same room at some police station. Jason was going to bust out the actor card with, "Look me up on IMDB, bitch!"

Anyhow, other than that, Jim started a new job within his current company and is liking the change of pace. He gets to work from home occasionally (like this week, while we're having work done on the house), which I really like. We get to hang out and I can sleep on his lap while he screams on the phone and throws his laptop around. It's fun!

In November, Jim and Jason got to Winnie-sit again. That cat is a lush and an overeater. Really, I don't know how she stays so thin. Bitch.

Mister Cellophane

What the hell's been going on, kids? Too much work and lots of drinking. The boys went to Chicago last week and it looks like we're going to move there. Once they can find jobs in the windy city, that is.

I could make a few phone calls to my friends Bob and Emily Hartley, but I figured Jim and Jason could figure it out on their own. Maybe the Hartleys and their friend Howard know of a vacancy in their apartment building, though. I'd like that...

Looks like I'll have to sell one of my local SF businesses in order to finance the move...

I'm just sittin' here watching the wheels go 'round and 'round...

Well, July was pretty action-packed--with work. (Cue wah-wah-wah loser music from the Price Is Right.) Jason's been getting ready to finish up some projects at Ye Olde Dayjobbe and Jim's work calendar has ramped up as usual.

Luckily the boys got a chance to go canoeing along the Russian River last month. It was fun (they'd been canoeing with their gang before) until they capsized and had a poopy fight on the river. Luckily they stayed at this resort with plenty of cats. My spies kept an eye on them and made sure they made up over some beers and burgers back in Guerneville.

Other than that, they've been having low-key weekends, meeting with friends when they can, having a drink at Jalopy's down the street. I'm interested to see if August gets any more exciting...

It probably won't.

I got some new food--tender morsels. That's the highlight of my month!

Take a run at the sun...

Well, the boys went down to Palm Springs over Memorial Day weekend and saw firsthand the legacy I left behind in the '50s, '60s, and '70s. I was glad they made the pilgrimage, since Jim had never been and Jason hadn't been for over eight years. They worked on their tans (at least Jason did) and partied down with friends, even crashing a plastic L.A. pretty boy party which left them emotionally scarred.

Now that they've got friends living there, I'm sure they'll visit more often. Heck, with the cheap real estate prices there, they might even snatch up a little place for weekend getaways. I'd certainly like that, laying out in the sun with some cocoa butter and a highball.

Speaking of laying out in the sun, that's just what Jason and I are doing this weekend, since Jim's off in New York visiting old college friends and soaking up some humidity with his dry humor. It's been nice relaxing with Jim and Jason now that Jason's crazy time at work has slowed down. Of course, Jim's work schedule is ramping up now. Sometimes it's like we just can't win and have both of the boys relaxing at the same time.

Sigh.

At least July 4th should be a nice weekend. Unless of course some crazy parties happen, in which case I'll be hiding under the bed. Or just maybe I'll come out and pour the champagne myself!

It's a cruel, cruel summer...

Whaddup, bitches? I know I've been flying under the radar for a while now, but a whole lot's been happening. In March, Jason turned the big 3-5 and the three of us had to celebrate with lots of drinking. Part of it was to make up for all the work Jason had to deal with at work (just the opposite for Jim, whose office has been flowing like molasses.)

At the start of April, they went to New York again to visit friends and have some more fun:

And then Jason got cast in a new movie based on the novel by man with his same birthday, Jack Kerouac. It was all going so well until he had to go to the ER...

Jason's nose wouldn't stop bleeding for over four hours, and Jim and I were worried. The doctors in the hospital tried just about everything and found the oldest solution worked best: cocaine soaked in gauze, shoved up the nose.

(Umm, I did say Jason had the same birthday as Jack Kerouac, right? Jack, as well as Liza Minelli and James Taylor and a lesser Jackson brother. Basically, he's destined for rehab soon...)

Anyhow, one of the earlier treatments (which didn't work) was chemical cauterization, which left horrible black scarring around his face. We were all traumatized--and Jason was freaking out 'cause he had to shoot this movie the next week! Luckily, it all came peeling off in a few days and Jason made it to Carmel and Big Sur just fine. He made some new friends and found a new watering hole, Flanagan's Irish Pub.

Jim and I wish we could have been there, but alas we were stuck here at home while Jason hobnobbed with the stars.

Anyhow, Jim recently celebrated his birthday a few weeks ago and to make up for working (filming) during the month, Jason's taking him to Palm Springs. I'm going to stay behind and make sure everything's taken care of at home. I mean, I've done the White Party this year already--why go back?

Right?

It's definitely not a Nashville party...

That's right, bitches. Another month has gone by, and Jason had to turn the big 3-5. We all partied like it was 1999 2011, all right. Some friends had a large dinner party at Trader Vic's (just a coincidence) so Jason and Jim went and had a good time. It really says something that Jason didn't make a bigger fuss about his birthday this year. Instead, he got his IRA going again and opened a high-interest savings account.

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Well, this week we're all going to New York, where we'll party it up with some old friends and be whores tourists, checking out a few bars museums and such. Our good friend Abby won't be there, unfortunately, so we won't have as much of a fun East Village experience this time. But it will still be all fun all the time, with no auditions for Jason and no rushed schedules or morning commutes for either of the Runnicles. Jason and Jim's supermodel pal Irena will take 'em around on a more fashionable tour of the city, that's for sure!

I'll be there, too. But I've got my own agenda. Holly G., bust out yer Rolodex. We are gonna party like it's 1969.

You can never surrender

Well February's over. Another month down, another one bites the dust. As some of you know, Jason went off to NYC again last week for a big audition. He was flown in by the producers and got to hang with some of his friends again for a day and a half before flying right back home. Sadly, he didn't make it to the finals (which we all presumed was the show itself) but we're all kind of relieved--Jim and I couldn't imagine being without Jason for up to two whole months! The same day he got the news that he didn't get on the show, Jason busted out a can o' whupass and started to own things at Ye Olde Dayjobbe instead. And now things are looking up.

I think by next year he'll be ready to teach a certain cable network a few things...

Other than that, things have been pretty quiet around here, especially for Jim. I guess it's been a good month to get some reading done. The boys have also been trying to cut down on the carbs and up the cardio lately in attempts to get ready for beach season. It's been comical, especially since the Girls Scouts have come back recently to ply their tasty treats on us all.

They've turned to comic geniuses Tim and Eric for inspiration:

A Design For Life...

Well I'm a little late, but Happy New Year, b*tches! As 2010 came to an end, things for Jason, Jim an' me ramped up considerably. Jason not only auditioned for a TV show, but he also got cast in a funny commercial for HP (I made a few calls to my pals the Weinsteins) and Jim had some of his work published in an anthology (which immediately sold out of its first printing) and did a reading up in Petaluma.

How's that for a way to end the year?

I did some work, too. Mostly helping this fat white man dress up in a red costume and fly around on a magic sled, delivering toys and presents to people around the world. That's right, I bring joy to the world.

If Christmas was crazy-busy with friends and family and celebrating (visits to Modesto, visits to friends in nursing homes, the annual Christmas Eve dinner with the Jews), New Year's Eve was a quiet affair. The three of us stayed home and drank wine and played Scrabble. (Sometimes I wish Dick Clark would take a cue from me and just retire...)

Even though the year was technically winding down, for the three of us things were really taking off: Jason was getting busier at Ye Olde Dayjobbe (no rest during the holidays over there), and Jim stayed home for a week to get his own work done. I guess we needed a quiet New Year's Eve to prepare for a busy 2011. This month has Jason running around trying to finish a rush project at work, and Jim's been dealing with some changes at his office too. I started my North Beach writers' group again, so now I have to wake up early and zip across the city twice a week on my Vespa. (Wait, did I just say Dick Clark should retire like me? Whoops, I spoke too soon. Again.)

It never ends, I tell ya. It never ends...

Alright, 2011. We're ready for ya.